Cold hands, warm shart.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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