feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
