I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
