He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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