Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
