Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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