like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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