I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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