he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
