You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
