I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
