You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
