Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
