Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
