I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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