I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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