I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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