Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
