then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
