dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
