im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
