We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
