I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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