some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
