Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
