i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
