Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
