hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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