So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
