My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
