We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
