around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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