That's intense
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
