Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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