yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
