Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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