oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
