Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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