He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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