I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
