Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this hospital has no fireball
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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