I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
