I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
