She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
