i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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