apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
