Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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