It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
