who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
