at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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