you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
