D3 body, D1 cock
The maid of honor just puked.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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