Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm both gender and math confused
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
