How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
