I think im going to throw up on grandma
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
